MAJOR'S MESSAGE

THE LOST ART OF LISTENING

Listening is an important but lost art these days. In this hasty world, people are too busy thinking about what they are going to say next, than to listen to what the other person is actually saying. As a result, communication has also suffered and more people find themselves at odds over things they didn't mean, than for what they really are responsible for.

The except below was written by Dr. Michael P. Nichols, PhD, a professor of psychology, and author of The Lost Art of Listening, ©1995:

"Why won't he even listen to my idea?" "Why am I cut off before I provide the whole story?" How many times have you been frustrated by someone not listening to what you have to say? How many times have you frustrated others by not listening to them?

We tend to think that listening is the same as hearing; but listening really is being alert to those situations in which the person you're with needs to be understood. Listening problems can be serious, not only at work, but with family and friends.

Many times we jump in to say what's on our minds--before we've even acknowledged what the other person has said--short circuiting the possibility of mutual understanding. Speaking without listening, hearing without understanding is like snipping an electrical cord in two, then plugging it in anyway, hoping somehow that something will light up. Most of the time we don't deliberately set out to break the connection. In fact, we're often baffled and dismayed by a feeling of being left sitting around in the dark.

Careful listening is difficult and takes practice to improve. Try harder to understand the other person's perspective. That takes an expression of caring enough to listen.

Listening isn't a need we have; it's a gift we give.